


The First Time

by Comedia



Series: Postwar Series [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comedia/pseuds/Comedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan brings Shepard flowers. Kind of a post-war-destroy-ending-extended-cut story, but without major spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Time

You never forget your first time; at least that’s what they say. And yeah, maybe they’re right. Shepard can remember the first time he killed a man, the first time he lost a soldier, hell; the first time he lost an entire squad. There are many firsts like that, forever a part of him now, but there are also many firsts he never had – at least not really.

By the time you’re past thirty, and you’re in the middle of a war at that, you come to accept that some things just won’t happen – that there are things you’ll never experience.

But suddenly comes the day when that man happens to stumble into your hospital room, cheeks flushed, averting his eyes as if you’re too bright to look at directly. It’s kind of weird how Kaidan can make him feel like a sun, like a goddamn celestial body… how is that even possible?

“I got you something” and his normally calm voice is haggard as if he ran up the stairs instead of using the elevator. 

That’s a first, right there, as Kaidan finally looks at him, taking a few steps closer and holding up a bouquet of flowers. They’re tiny, fluffy and yellow. Shepard recognizes them, but has no idea what they’re called.

He’s never been given flowers before.

“Uh, thanks.”

 

The stalks are soft and slightly rubbery as he takes the bouquet, staring at the hundreds of petals.

“They’re dandelions. You can make wine from them.”

Of course Kaidan knows these things. But the thing is, and they both know this, that Shepard doesn’t. He’s not used to this kind of love; he’s not sure what you’re supposed to feel when you’re given flowers and he certainly doesn’t know what to say. There’s nothing but the neverending beeping of the hospital equipment as they’re quiet, both looking at each-other and trying to look away at the same time.

“I was gonna get you roses”, Kaidan finally says and sits down on the chair next to the bed. “But I realized that flowers definitely aren’t a priority right now. These were growing outside the hospital, which is kind of funny, mom used to say dandelions could survive anything because they were so damn impossible to get rid of in the garden, and…”

“So you gave me the flower equivalent of cockroaches?”

Kaidan looks absolutely stunned, and it isn’t until Shepard smiles – and wonders when the stitches crossing his cheek will stop tensing whenever he tries doing anything except staring straight ahead - that he laughs.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He glances at the flowers in John’s hands before meeting his gaze once again. “Do you like them?”

He nods. “Uh-huh. They’re nice.”

Kaidan sighs as if several years’ worth of tension has dropped from his shoulders. “I’m glad.”

And a warm hand is on his thigh, a gentle kiss on his cheek. A few months ago he ducked out of enemy fire, running and rolling like it was no challenge at all. These days just turning his head will take time, muscles straining and implants burning, but never before has he felt so motivated to work through the pain.

Kissing Kaidan is a lot like looking in the mirror every morning; it’s familiar and safe, yet there’ll always be something new. Now that he thinks about it, there’s only one major difference. When looking at your own reflection the surprise can be a bad one, like the time he looked in a mirror and saw red, glowing scars covering his face. With Kaidan that won’t happen. There’s only warmth, a deep chuckle and the brush of stubble.

“I’ll get you something better next time, I promise.”

Holding on tighter than he should, seeking contact for just a little longer, he breathes in and for a moment there’s only Kaidan; against his skin, on his breath, in his lungs.

“I like these ones.”

Sometimes when looking at Kaidan he can see all the things they don’t say. Things like how Kaidan often thinks of Shepard as a stubborn puppy; how they’re both holding back the comment that dandelions’ would be fun to have at the wedding; how Shepard would do anything to have Kaidan walk around an entire week without styling his hair. Maybe they’re still searching for the right words, or maybe it’s just not the kind of things they feel like talking about. Maybe they don’t need to say anything since they already know.

“And that makes me so happy.” He knows, as Kaidan settles back in the chair, that he’s about to leave. His left hand is still in bandages but when they twine their fingers together he can feel the touch through all the fabric. “You should rest.”

It’s only a few weeks later that Kaidan doesn’t show up, despite saying he’d visit in the evening. Shepard ends up checking his omni-tool every other minute, in case he got the time wrong or if there’s a message he’s missed. A few hours pass by and he tries to focus on exercises, on the sunset outside… on anything but Kaidan, really.

When the doors open he can’t help but to turn, maybe a little too quickly, to greet the visitor. It’s just the doctor, but there’s something different about her. He’s too distracted to notice it at first. The bouquet of white roses matches her coat perfectly, and she smiles knowingly when putting them down beside the bed.

“I’ll wait a little with bringing you dinner. Okay?” It’s not really a question, but he nods anyway.

Among the roses there’s a card, white and plain and covered with tiny writing, as if the person sending the flowers didn’t realize that you’re supposed to only send short messages like “love you” or “happy birthday”. When reading it he can hear Kaidan’s voice, as if the card is being read to him. It reminds him of all the messages they sent during the war, and how a few sentences from Kaidan flashing on his datapad were sometimes worth more than any praise the admirals could give him.

“The bad news is that I’ve been called away. I should be back in two days if everything goes well.  
The good news is that they have roses here.  
Yours, Kaidan. “

And just like that he realizes that there are a lot of firsts still waiting, even for old soldiers.


End file.
